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My Jellybean

Updated: Mar 5, 2020

"A miracle was born, a miracle lays next to me, a miracle laughs

and a miracle is mine; for that miracle is my son."

♥ The day my baby came into my life...

The 9th of February 2009 was the day I bore a miracle and that miracle is my son. I named him Mikael Kristof Gerard, but I call him, Jellybean. No, I did not name him after a candy. I named him after the sister of Jughead - yes, Jughead of the Archies. Many years before I had my son, I read about Juggie's baby sister and I found it to be too cute that I said to myself, "You have to give that name to your child when you have one. You just have to". Years after, it is exactly what I did.

The day arrived and it was time for me to bring my Jellybean into this world - my world. Giving birth was not as easy as I thought it would be.. I just could not get him out of my body. My son was in distress and his heart rate dropped. Other than my mother cussing at me, I begged them to cut me open. As chaotic as it was, I managed to have a moment of silence - I took one deep breath and pushed with all my strength... and like a soccer ball making its goal, I just scored.

My hand touched him for the very first time when he was placed on top of my breasts. My fingers felt his skin for only a moment because he had to be cleaned, and as I could see him in the distance, I thought to myself, "my baby has big balls."

The anesthesia kicked in and it was lights out for me.

"Where is my baby?", I yelled repeatedly. A nurse came rushing and I vividly remember how I accused her of stealing my child. "Give me back my baby or I will shoot you all. I will kill you all. Give him back to me." That bewildered look she had on her face was a vision I will never forget. She almost seemed frightened of me. I think it was at that time that she called my mother. As soon as I saw my mom, I informed her that my son had been taken and that there was someone hiding under my gurney. Of course, she calmed me down and the anesthesia began to wear off. I chuckle every time I am reminded of this memory.

It was time for me to go to my room. As I was pushed past the nursery, I saw the nurse holding up high a white boy, and I knew in an instant that the baby was mine. I smiled all the way up to my room, taking with me thoughts of how good it is to be a mother.

Up in my room, I waited impatiently for my son. He was to be brought up to me and he was to stay there with me everyday until it was time for us to go home. Tick tock, tick tock. I hated waiting. But waiting was so worth it. Soon as my son arrived, the room lit up and my whole world turned magical.

After a few days, it was time for us to go home. I recall the time I left my house...

I walked out the door, alone. But I walked in the same door and there were two of us.

The day my son came into my life was a very magical day. But The fascinating feeling does not end there. Everyday is a reminder that miracles are real. Jellybean makes it real.

"Bringing a child into our world is the most amazing feeling a woman can experience. Surely, I cannot say that having a child is an easy ride because it is not. There will be bumps along the way. Perhaps, it may be terrifying and isolating for some. But trust me when I say that having a child is totally worth it."

I love you, my Jellybean!

- mama

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