LOVE LETTERS
♥ Writings on love, pain and whatnot.
01
Am I ?
​
Am I so greedy
To pursue some clarity
With much impatience in my heart?
I would like to think that the road I chose,
will take me somewhere close to you.
But fear and doubt seem to grasp my mind
that I lay unsure of where we're headed.
Your silence does not help
It punctured right though my heart,
Leaving a hole right where your name is.
Time and spoken words
May cure my aching questions.
But if your tongue remains frozen,
your name may vanish
And all that would remain
Is a hole hollow and empty.
Am I so clingy
To hunger for care and warmth
With much desire in my heart?
I would like to think that love
Will find it's way into your heart.
But as hopeful as I am,
My mind tells me that love, your love
Will remain nothing more than a foolish girl's fantasy.
My mind is bruised...
longing, waiting and second guessing
All I can do, for now.
But if I am to remain untouched by your heart,
I shall long for you no more,
Wait for you no more
And grow cold and distant,
Loving you no more.
Am I so silly
To seek for some security
with much mistrust in my heart?
I would like to think that your absence
is not the same as avoidance.
A strong person I may be
But I am also crippled and damaged to the core,
For I have been bathed with deception and lies
By many John Does who murdered my soul.
You have a name, not yet a John Doe.
Allow me to be reminded of the man you are.
With those strong arms,
Embrace me and own me.
But if I am to remain alone and unclaimed,
I might crawl off into my snuggery
And drown myself in tears for being unwanted
And forever be known to you as a Jane Doe.
​
​
Pukingking 09/24/2009 ♥
02
Goodbye
​
You,
my true love,
have always been part of my dream.
But I lost you
the day you held
someone else in your arms.
The rest of my dream
went with you when you left.
Oh how I long
to have you back.
How I hunger
for your love and kisses.
But you can never be mine again,
for a part of you
will forever stay with her.
I am angry,
I am pained,
I am a fool...
foolish
to crave and to long
for a man who crushed my heart.
But that was yesterday.
I am happy,
I am smiling,
I am no longer a fool...
Today,
I bid you farewell...
goodbye,
goodbye,
goodbye.
​
​
Pukingking 06/25/2009 ♥
03
You are not here
​
I built a house,
and filled it with gold.
While I was away,
I left behind all the jewels in the world
to pamper your days and nights alone.
When I came home one day
I found the treasures I left behind.
But you, my sweet,
were not there.
For days,
for months,
for years
I waited for your return...
still you are not here
and yet, I wonder why.
As I look upon
all the riches in the house,
I realize
that no jewel nor gold
can warm you on a cold, lonely night.
For it was but a simple kiss,
a tender embrace
and an honest "I love you"
that I, your husband
forgot to leave behind.
​
​
Pukingking 11/01/2000 ♥