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As Mr. X spoke words ever fluently, I feasted my eyes upon him like no one else did in the room. The impression he produced upon my friends seemed electrical, but the effect upon myself was something even more. I know not how adequately to describe it for mere words were not enough to speak of such feelings. I paused for an instant, in the expectation that I would come to my senses and see him as a figment of my imagination. But Mr. X was so much of a character that I was blinded by passion and admiration. It is truly absurd, yet the sound in my heart was so much louder than the voice in my head. I watched him move with much admiration, that I felt like a thunderbolt had fallen at my feet. I continued to watch him unremittingly, loving every bit of his being. His profile now being turned toward myself helped me imagine more on how it would seem if I was his lover. In the mad intensity of my devotion, I forgot everything but the loveliness of the vision which confronted my gaze. I blushed deeply, feeling a burning sense. Why should I doubt it for an instant, when this man was so beautiful. It was love supreme. It kept me captive for quite some time. I felt like I never did before and never again will I. It's funny... I fell in love with a cartoon character!

♥ A novel by José Saramago Published in 1995, Blindness is one of his most famous novels. In 1998, José Saramago received the Nobel Prize for Literature, and Blindness was one of his works noted by the committee when announcing the award. What is it about? The book tells the grim tale of a city devastated by an epidemic of blindness. Its characters are plunged into dystopia, where the struggle to survive illuminates the best and worst of human nature. Blindness is not for the faint-hearted. Its words will crawl inside your head, rape your mind and leave you craving for more - that is, if you don't mind its brutality. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Five hearts - #fascinating #goodread #violent My Thoughts ♥ I often wonder what it would be like to live in a world that is dead; undesirable and frightening. I will not lie - a world where I could go back to the basics of life, where I no longer have to work for money just to survive does intrigue me. But to wish for such a world is nauseating. I would never want my son to explore a world that knows only sorrow, pain and death. Yet, here I am, daydreaming. ♥ Frankly, after having read the book, the thought that humans are "monsters" is a difficult thought to swallow - but it is what it is and its fictional world is just as fucked up as the world that surround us. Hopefulness is a distant feeling for me. I have abandoned the belief that the existence of selflessness still remain true, as compared to the existence of evil.

I miss my Olive... Olive, my love... missing her every day of my life. The pain and sadness of not having her to come home to haunt me every day. But no matter how much it hurts to not have her, I can still smile knowing that she knew what it was like to be loved and treated like a queen for the whole 4 years she was with me. I miss her so much, but I will never wish for it to be any different today because today, there is another girl named, Hera, waiting for me to come home to her... she needs me just as much as Olive needed me then. My heart belongs to all those I have lost, to those I have today and to those who are somewhere out there waiting, just waiting, for the right time to come into my life. Being a mother to those that were once unwanted is my passion in life.

"A miracle was born, a miracle lays next to me, a miracle laughs and a miracle is mine; for that miracle is my son." ♥ The day my baby came into my life... The 9th of February 2009 was the day I bore a miracle and that miracle is my son. I named him Mikael Kristof Gerard, but I call him, Jellybean. No, I did not name him after a candy. I named him after the sister of Jughead - yes, Jughead of the Archies. Many years before I had my son, I read about Juggie's baby sister and I found it to be too cute that I said to myself, "You have to give that name to your child when you have one. You just have to". Years after, it is exactly what I did. The day arrived and it was time for me to bring my Jellybean into this world - my world. Giving birth was not as easy as I thought it would be.. I just could not get him out of my body. My son was in distress and his heart rate dropped. Other than my mother cussing at me, I begged them to cut me open. As chaotic as it was, I managed to have a moment of silence - I took one deep breath and pushed with all my strength... and like a soccer ball making its goal, I just scored. My hand touched him for the very first time when he was placed on top of my breasts. My fingers felt his skin for only a moment because he had to be cleaned, and as I could see him in the distance, I thought to myself, "my baby has big balls." The anesthesia kicked in and it was lights out for me. "Where is my baby?", I yelled repeatedly. A nurse came rushing and I vividly remember how I accused her of stealing my child. "Give me back my baby or I will shoot you all. I will kill you all. Give him back to me." That bewildered look she had on her face was a vision I will never forget. She almost seemed frightened of me. I think it was at that time that she called my mother. As soon as I saw my mom, I informed her that my son had been taken and that there was someone hiding under my gurney. Of course, she calmed me down and the anesthesia began to wear off. I chuckle every time I am reminded of this memory. It was time for me to go to my room. As I was pushed past the nursery, I saw the nurse holding up high a white boy, and I knew in an instant that the baby was mine. I smiled all the way up to my room, taking with me thoughts of how good it is to be a mother. Up in my room, I waited impatiently for my son. He was to be brought up to me and he was to stay there with me everyday until it was time for us to go home. Tick tock, tick tock. I hated waiting. But waiting was so worth it. Soon as my son arrived, the room lit up and my whole world turned magical. After a few days, it was time for us to go home. I recall the time I left my house... I walked out the door, alone. But I walked in the same door and there were two of us. The day my son came into my life was a very magical day. But The fascinating feeling does not end there. Everyday is a reminder that miracles are real. Jellybean makes it real. "Bringing a child into our world is the most amazing feeling a woman can experience. Surely, I cannot say that having a child is an easy ride because it is not. There will be bumps along the way. Perhaps, it may be terrifying and isolating for some. But trust me when I say that having a child is totally worth it." I love you, my Jellybean! - mama

Time flies and it flew so fast. United Nations Day at CSA Makati At the office, Mikael posing right after school. * still updating

Olive, my dog, passed away in 2014. My dear Olive, how deeply does it have to hurt when missing you is all I can do... I smile, I laugh but all I truly want is to have you back. Everyday, I wait for you to come back. I must be insane to even think for a second that coming back to me is even possible. Wherever you are today cannot be heaven because heaven was when I had you in my arms. I love you so much and it hurts. You left me - you were plucked out of my life just like my heart was plucked out of my body, leaving me drowning in tears that won't seem to end. Your absence is like cancer, eating me up little by little. I would often tease you of how much I wanted you to be my pocket doggy just so that I could take you with me wherever I went, but a teacup doggy you were not. Now, I can do just that, for inside my pocket is a little bag with you in it and your pretty name etched in gold.

The comment that changed my life. Disturbing Movies You Won't Be Able To Sit Through, was the title of the video that I commented on six months ago. My comment was, "None of the films mentioned is disturbing in any way. I love gore and violence." One morning, a month after commenting on that YouTube video, a notification popped up on the bottom right side of my screen which read, "And that is why you are single lol." The notification caught my eye immediately. I was annoyed and curious altogether. I was at work and I was in the middle of something really important, way more important than some comment on YouTube. That notion was wrong. I was dead wrong. I stopped working and I clicked the link which led me to the "annoying" comment. Soon as I read it, I felt a little twitch in my head that amped up my feeling of annoyance. I was so displeased with what I had just read, that all I wanted to do was give him the middle finger. "Grrr, I am very busy.. who the hell are you?",I mused. I hate to admit that at some point, I felt more insulted than annoyed. But I paused for a moment and decided to approach the comment in a better way, and that was to throw sarcasm at him, the same way he threw one at me. But he was so full of sarcasm just like I was, that it seemed more like we were throwing rocks at each other over and over. So annoying, really. "...Sorry girl, I'm probably not your type. I have more muscle and my face is way sexier. Too bad for me." This comment made me laugh. It reminded me of Ben Stiller, and I told him that. I said, " You remind me of Zoolander. " Since then, I referred to him as Sexy Face which I found to be very amusing. Somehow, rock throwing did not seem fun anymore. A part of me was interested. "Who is this guy?", I wondered. It was then that I suggested we talk elsewhere - chatting seemed like a better option at that time. Exchanging comments turned into a lengthy chat conversation. We talked for hours and somewhere between the words "hello" and "goodbye", we both found ourselves wanting more. We were hooked and talking to each other felt more like a drug that was so addicting. At the end of our conversation, it was pretty obvious that we had both found our addiction - each other. He is my happy pill and I am his. Six months ago, I wrote, "None of the films mentioned is disturbing in any way. I love gore and violence." - and that is why I am not single. .. and that is my love story. "I always felt that meeting someone on YouTube was unlikely, but falling in love was much more of a thought so remote that it seemed impossible. But it happened and I am ecstatic that it did. Was it fate? I would like to think so. Though one thing is for sure - nothing is impossible. Trust it and believe it; dreams can come true."

Ugh and double ugh. I only wanted to create a site where I could show off my writing talent - whatever talent I have left. Writing has always been a part of my life, a hobby I could never get rid of even if I wanted to kick it in the balls. But I spent too many days and too many nights telling myself that I had one hell of a writer's block, which seemed to last forever... "Daphne, you no longer have the knack for writing!" Miraculously, I think that word best describes the 13th of November when I "miraculously" began writing again. A new thought had been born inside this brain of mine, where its creative side had laid dormant for years - Uranus. Yes, the planet Uranus (you naughty girl) had set foot in my mind, like it were Apollo 11 landing on the moon for the first time. What the hell am I gonna do with Uranus? Shockingly, writing about Uranus was much easier than I imagined. All I did was tilt my head to one side, and voila, the words swam through my brain cells faster than Superman would if he could. It's so easy to speak your mind when you despise someone so much, and yes, Uranus is all about a particular person that I loathe with all my nasty heart. However, amidst all the nastiness I feel for "it," I applaud "it." If not for "its" existence, I would still be huddled in this dark corner of mine, where every letter of the alphabet is blocked by a force known to man as the writer's block. Ugh and double ugh... I did not forget about that. I'm not quite sure how I ended up having a blog page. I was busy editing my Wix site's homepage, happily turning the page around in circles - a bit confusing, but I could handle it. Oh yes, I could handle a simple site until I saw that I somehow managed to get myself a blog. A blog. A blog? Not a problem, I thought to myself - you, my dear blog, will be deleted! But my hand tends to have a mind on its own at times, and just as I was about to click "delete," my hand paused and told my brain to keep the blog. What will I do with a blog? What will I say? Will people read it? Why does it say that there are 4 viewers already? Now, this is where the double ugh come in. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to write. These thoughts ran like a crazy madman in my head for many minutes and many more minutes. Think girl; I kept telling myself. But how could I make my creative side do its thing when I am at work right this very minute? I am supposed to be working - sending out commission statements and counting numbers in my head until it's time for me to say, "Thank God it's Friday." I paused for a while. I paused a little bit more. Just speak my mind. Forget about filtering my thoughts. Be true to myself and write - one word after another, YOU CAN DO IT! Wait a minute, I just remembered Rob Schneider with his "you can do it," and his voice is now stuck in my head. Ha, haha. I no longer feel lost. I just changed my blog title to "I was lost." I should have changed it to "I found myself, again," but I'm not feeling too corny right now. Therefore, "I was lost" would suffice as my very first blog title. I now have my own blog. Yay and double yay.